This is an excerpt from frank Schaeffer's new book. Writing in the Washington Post, Jane Smiley called Sex, Mom and God "laugh out loud funny" and her review concluded like this: "Frank has been straightforward and entertaining in his campaign to right the political wrongs he regrets committing in the 1970s and '80s. As the author of 10 books since 2000, and plenty of articles and blogs, he has been more than industrious. As someone who has made redemption his work, he has, in fact, shown amazing grace."
A lot has been said about what men think womenwant and vice versa. A recent survey done in theUnited Kingdom asked men what fits their benchmark of an ideal girlfriend and found out that a high sex drive, thin figure, pert bottom, and high earner tops the priority list. So, We spoke to a few guys and gals to find if it holds true or not and found that in most cases their ideal one was - Kate Winslet! It's the perfect survey
Ankit Tayal, 23, professional, says, "Well, I think the survey summed it up pretty well. I would love a girl who earns more than me, and has a higher sex drive than I do, and well, looks better than me - ideal package!" His ideal girl? Megan Fox . Anupam Roy, 25, professional, agrees, "Oh, I would love it if my girl earns more than I do, then I can gradually leave my job, as I feel that I'm too lazy and generally guys are lazy people. My ideal girl should be unbearably beautiful, bearably stupid, and should be good in bed." His ideal girl? Kate Winslet.
It's more about the funny bone than the sexy butt
While the survey says that men desire looks more than humour, some Delhi guys would like to differ. Says Viraj Gupta (23), "Who wouldn't want the whole package of looks, money and sex? My ideal girl should be decently educated, have a simple lifestyle, a sense of humour would be good, and should look okay, looks are not that important." His ideal girl? Kate Winslet, for her grace.
Says Prateek Kapil, student, "My ideal girl should have a funny bone, she should be fiercely independent and should look good." His ideal girl: Cristina Scabbia, lead vocalist of the metal band Lacuna Coil. Agrees student Arun Khanna (24), "My ideal girl should be pretty, should have a sense of humour, not ruthlessly career driven or excessively competitive.The survey speaks for most guys, however the earning a higher salary part could be a point of contention between the couple." And his ideal girl? Kate Winslet or Kat Dennings .
Men can handle a more successful counterpart
Disagrees Sonali Sapra (23), MBA student, "I disagree with the survey that men want high salary earning women. I haven't met any man who thinks like that and I completely agree that women should earn more and if the man has a problem he should strive to earn better and live up to a woman's expectations. I would associate Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas with this survey because while she is so successful, he doesn't even get offered with 'papa' roles."
Shallu Sharma believes that, "A man will have ego hassles if a woman earns more than them. I have met men who want you to eat and stay slim at the same time, and they have problems if you earn more, but if you are not career-minded they have a major problem. A very good case in point would be Arbaaz Khan and Malaika Arora Khan, probably Arbaaz has no ego hassles."
The desire for a thin girl
While the survey states that men would like their perfect mate to dig into a meal without any qualms and contradictorily be slim at the same time, Shraddha Bhateja (23), commercial pilot, disagrees, "I don't think guys like skinny girls, that is totally untrue and most of my male friends would agree with me. Both partners should take care of the family (including kids) and both should be career-minded for a successful relationship."
In stark contrast Lisa Boye (22), airlines security agent, says, "I completely agree with the survey. Eat and stay fit, how hard is that? Who would like a person who makes a fuss at a restaurant and is on diets all the time? Half the fun is gone right there."
Men want girls who are family oriented and will have babies
The salary package of the perfect woman is a debate amongst men and women alike. Some feel men have ego hassles while others disagree. The survey states that women should be career-minded, earn more than her man as well as stay at home and take care of the kids.
Prateek Kapil, 23, student, says, "I think that guys will agree with the very high salary part. If she earns more than the guys, then the guy is not going to like it, though I personally don't agree with that."
Agrees Mehak Saluja, a quality analyst, "Men want women to stay at home but I don't think they want one who earns more than them, it brings in ego hassles. Not everyone is like an Abhishek Bachchan who can walk along with his very successful wife, while he still has to make a mark." Arun seems to sum it up, "The survey is all correct, except the part which says guys want their partner to earn more than them. This is not true for most guys as they have huge egos. The part where the survey goes contradictory and says that though high earning, the girl should be family oriented is true for guys; they want someone to be family oriented and have babies."
Let's talk sex, baby
Talk about sex drive and we surprisingly had two views! While some felt that sex drive is important, but intimacy was rated higher, all men agreed that sex drives relationships. Says Anupam, "She should be good in bed and that should be more important than her having a brilliant sex drive. I mean what's the point of her wanting to do it, if she is not good in bed, right?"
Some like Prateek feel that having a huge appetite for sex could be cumbersome in a closed society like India. "Having a sex drive is good, but wanting to do it everywhere and all the time would be too much, especially in India , where you don't find much space, so it could get embarrassing," says Prateek. Adds Viraj, "As for sex drive, even the guys should have a good sex drive, if the guy doesn't do anything, what will the poor girl do?"
Will men ever come to a consensus on the ideal GF?
While the never-ending debate between men and women continues, what we conclude is that not only women, but men too have high demands. Most of the demands are well, contradictory, but that does not stop men from fantasising about the perfect woman who cooks, cleans, earns, eats, is slim and beautiful all at the same time. We'd say it's time you took a reality check, guys!
Excerpt
Mom was sitting on my bed next to the eight-year-old version of me, reading the story of King David's Sin to me (again), when she looked up from her Bible and cheerfully declared, "Your father demands sexual intercourse every single night and has since the day we married because he doesn't want to end up like King David!"
I got that sinking feeling. I knew Mom was about to launch onto her favorite topic (besides Sex): how examples of Sin in the Bible help us all "better understand Fran's Many Weaknesses."
"Uh," I said noncommittally, while trying not to sound too interested.
"You see, Dear, King David and Fran share a Very Strong Drive in That Area. At least Fran recognizes his Need." Mom paused, smiled sweetly, then added in a brisk upbeat tone, "But I don't want you to get the wrong impression; it's not that I don't enjoy being with Fran in That Way. Within a Christ-centered marriage the union of a married man and his wife is a wonderful gift. It's just that because Fran has a Daily Need, I have to go with him on every single speaking trip. I hate leaving you alone so often, even in a good cause."
To an outsider, Mom's constant citing of Bible passages like King David's Sin to "explain" Dad's failings might have seemed like a snide rebuke. Actually, it was Mom's way of defending Dad. She was placing his Sins on a high pedestal right up there with the failings of the biblical heroes. Mom was excusing Dad by saying in effect, "Even King David, that the Bible says God loved most of all, sinned terribly. He was forgiven and I forgive Fran, too. Moreover, if even King David was awful sometimes, how can Fran be perfect?"
I don't know if the good cause Mom referred to was traveling to teach Bible studies (from Holland to Italy to England and France), enjoying the "union of a married man and his wife," or keeping Dad from straying by meeting his "Daily Need." Since the Bible is full of Sex, and since Mom wanted (had?) to talk about Sex, Dad, and God--a lot--my mother could use our Bible studies as the excuse to "share" the Facts Of Life and exonerate Dad in the context of putting him in the company of biblical heroes who had "sinned too, Dear."
One thing I do know is that every time Mom left home, she'd leave a note and small gift for each bedtime she'd be away. My parents' speaking trips sometimes lasted up to a month. I remember the sense of being enveloped in her love as Debby or Susan would read the daily note to me as I'd unwrap that day's gift. (I collected a whole shelf full of excellent model car Dinky Toys in this way.) I also look back on my mother's tremendous warmth and kindness as her love spilled into the lives of the next generation.
My mother showed unbounded love to my daughter, Jessica, and son Francis when [my wife] Genie and I were living in "Noni's" home (as her grandchildren call Mom). From birth until Jessica was ten and Francis seven, Noni played an outsized role in their lives. We lived with my parents in their chalet's basement apartment for the first five years of our marriage, then we moved into our own place across the street. (When Jessica was ten and Francis was seven, Genie and I moved to the States and our children's daily encounters with Noni ended.)
My mother's influence in Jessica's and Francis's lives was significant. She patiently compensated for Genie's and my being so young. As Genie says, "Noni was the best mother-in-law a young married woman could ever have had. She never 'advised,' rather was just always there to help and, when asked, gave the wisest relationship advice I've ever heard." And Jessica and Francis loved visiting Noni; as Jessica described it, "Going upstairs to Noni was a moment each day when I felt as if I was stepping into bright sunlight."
When Mom was home, she always had handy a Bible story that, with just the slightest nudge, could illustrate my father's Sins-- from his Strong Drive In That Area (King David) to his sometimes violent Moods (King Saul). And the cross she had to bear because of his "unfortunate working-class background" (reminiscent of Esau and the Bible's other "rough-mannered men") was handily illustrated by the Apostle Peter, along with the other confused and uneducated working-class fishermen Jesus called to follow Him and to whom He had to explain everything, just like Mom constantly had to instruct Dad.
Mom often said, "Shall we consider King David?"
"Yes, Mom," I'd answer, knowing full well that we were going to consider King David with or without my permission.
"The story is in the book of Second Samuel," Mom said, flipping open her well-worn and heavily underlined Bible. She started to read in her impeccably clear, lilting, Bible-reading voice, enunciating each word c-r-i-s-p-l-y and pronouncing the biblical names perfectly: "Then it happened in the spring, at the time when kings go out to battle, that David sent Joab and his servants with him and all Israel, and they destroyed the sons of Ammon and besieged Rabbah. But David stayed at Jerusalem." Mom paused to comment, switching from her Bible-reading voice to a more intimate, conspiratorial, tone: "You see, Dear, David wasn't where he belonged. If David had been out on the battlefield killing the enemies of God where the King was supposed to be in the springtime, instead of turning his palace into a peep show, this never would have happened."
"What's a peep show?"
"We'll get to that later. The point now is that David was battling a midlife crisis, too. He wasn't in Paris, where Fran dragged me that time. But like your father, David wasn't where God wanted him either, which is always that first tragic step of backsliding, as Fran knows. Do you understand?"
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