Here are some sex resolutions you should make to rekindle the flame this year.
Every girl (or at least most I know) grows up with fantasies of their perfect romance. Well, can't really blame them. We are fed on so many images of that perfect love. From beautiful female pop stars singing about finding that one true love to gorgeous male pop stars pledging undying love to you forever. Books, where the romances are tailor made to make you believe that THIS WILL HAPPEN to you, to movies that make you dream you were the protagonist of that beautiful, tumultuous, passionate, riotous thing called LOVE
T.
a Malay chick from Malaysia and here she is presenting her titties and getting naked.
Until sometime ago when I realised that in this quest of finding perfect love-the kind that’s mad, passionate, giddy, sweeping you off you feet, make-you-knees-go-weak, blubbering like a 12 year old- there was a hollowness, a hole, an emptiness in my being. I felt INCOMPLETE. A series of events-call it life, call it growing up- made me realise that in all this I wasn't living life completely.
That this feeling of being incomplete shouldn’t be my shadow. That's not what love ought to inspire. Love can truly be given or received, when you are a whole being emotionally. It took me much too long to understand and even longer to actually live it..
A few days ago I was in Panchgani shooting for my new film. It was a break day for me. So I had all my thoughts, all my dreams, tightly packed into the core of my being. I was walking down the road in gumboots, bundled up in my jacket. Walking through the mist and fog, the wind and light drizzle, the air crisp and fresh, in an atmosphere perfect to inspire romance, I realised, for once that I was truly happy. The love that I have dreamt of will come. But today, literally, taking a 'walk in the clouds', I complete me.
The notion that Kamasutra speaks solely of the physical aspect of sex is extremely skewed. The purpose of Kamasutra was not merely to educate masses about different sexual techniques, but promote a healthy relationship between the partners and constructively use sexual energy. Several Western (and even some Indian) authors, interpreters and commentators have paid attention only to the sexual / physicality aspect, leading to the scripture's misrepresentation. However, look deeper and the teachings of Kamasutra go far beyond sexThe purpose of Kamasutra was not merely to educate masses about different sexual techniques, but promote a healthy relationship between the partners and constructively use sexual energy. Several Western (and even some Indian) authors, interpreters and commentators have paid attention only to the sexual / physicality aspect, leading to the scripture's misrepresentation. However, look deeper and the teachings of Kamasutra go far beyond sex
Participation
Many positions (Asanaas) depicted in the Kamasutra call for active and equal participation of the woman. Rather than sticking to the monotonous / boring missionary position where the woman is a rather passive receiver, the scripture encourages more pro-active positions. Only when there's an equal contribution from both ends will the session truly be fulfilling and fruitful. There's no posture that's meant exclusively for the man, or the woman.
The message: Be it sex or any other matter; ensure that you equally involve your partner. Participation is the key word. When you seek an active role from your partner, (in and out of bed) he/she feels wanted and the synergy between the two leads to greater fulfilment. That's what samabhog (equal pleasure) is all about.
Body image Vs. the body
The varied techniques depicted in the scriptures make sex pleasurable for anyone irrespective of his/her body type and body shape. The person may be muscular, obese, or thin, body issues and pleasure are best not mixed, says Kamasutra.
The message: Work on your body image. You can still make the best of your body provided you stop having unrealistic expectations of how it should look. Acceptance is the word. Magazine covers may be flooded with images of perfect bodies, but don't let them sway you away from realism. Don't let negative body image play spoilsport in your life, sex
Touch matters
The Kamasutra lays a lot of importance on touch, and not only during intercourse. Going by the texts, touch is of varied forms, each designated to arouse a unique sensation from the partner depending on his/her liking. However, the role of touch starts from the foreplay stage itself (at times, the foreplay lasting for hours together) and continues till the very end.
The message: Do not undermine the power of small. That casual hug or the loving caress (initiated much before sex can say a lot more about your feelings than the act itself. The touch may not even lead to anything, but is a very potent method of conveying your emotions. It will do more good to your relationship than most other things.
Dress to impress
The scriptures' emphasis on shringaar cannot be undermined. Almost every character shown in the act in Kamasutra is embellished with elaborate ornaments. This includes men.
The message: While it does depict the culture and traditions of the time when these texts were written, the underlying idea is that of looking good and dressing up for your partner. Manycouples after a few years of courting lose the urge to look good (for each other).
However, that's wrong. Just like you take the effort to dress up for a certain occasion, it is important to look at least presentable (if not great) for your partner. Do not undermine the importance of how you look. Get rid of the complacent attitude. It communicates that your partner is not important any more.
Go play
The scriptures pay a lot of importance on the fun element of sex. That is what converts a rather boring, mechanical session to something that a couple looks forward to. Try all the experimenting you want. If the fun element is missing, there's little that you can do.
The message: Learn to have fun with each other. Start by non-sexual activities and build a rapport. Play games, travel together, discuss movies, and find stimulating conversations. When fun becomes easy, no matter what the occasion, the joy will by default be communicated to other aspects of the relationship as well.
The Kamasutra also has advice on ways of making money and renewing friendship with a former lover
Learn some Kama Sutra
Given that the world's oldest guide on love, sex and spirituality is our home production, we Indians should be most adept at the subject. Not the case with you? Well, the book will never go out of fashion and relevance. Plus, its sex chapters have often been plucked out and circulated on the internet, books and on DVDs. Apart from positions, it has some useful advice on behaviour, kissing and touching as well. So, turn over a new leaf tonight!
Revisit old moves
If you've stopped making certain moves in bed because they've bothered you or your partner, find out exactly why it occurs and get over it. Keep in mind, though, the same goes for him/her. Also, if you think you're too 'grown up' for some moves you used to make with your college flame, a total recall would be good fun!
Make a to-do list
We're not saying stick post-its on the ceiling but you and your partner can set a rough timetable, right? Once a month, once a week, whenever suits you - it is important to make to-do list of styles, fantasies - whatever's fun.
Have more foreplay
Women still complain of insufficient foreplay when it comes to sex. Here's a fact: women who get at least 20 minutes of foreplay are 80 per cent more likely to have an orgasm. Don't let your lover be one in the remaining lot.
Add the funk
Sex has become a mechanical activity for many stressed couples. There's a way out. One of you - whoever's less stressed - can change the way you make love (at least for one night, for starters). Suggestions: Forget the ice cubes cliche, get a bottle of wine instead; play raunchy Hindi numbers, encourage dirty chatter in bed... we hope you get the drift?
Go on an adventurous date
A weekend trip to an exotic resort can just get the fun back into your sex. Sometimes, a break in monotony is just what your brain needs to get energised. Take to mountain-climbing, paragliding or simply walk down the beach. Excitement needn't always be expensive.
Overcome your fears
Is there anything you or your mate want to try but breaks into a cold sweat attempting it? There is nothing as liberating as being terrified of something and overcoming it.
Break one of your taboos
Similarly, if you've imposed any rules or taboos on yourself because of fear, lack of knowledge or social pressure, break it.
Communicate...
... and more regularly. It is perhaps the most crucial resolution for your relationship. It seems basic, but when was the last time you discussed sex with him/her? Speaking up is one of the most important ingredients of a healthy sex life.
Revisit old moves
If you've stopped making certain moves in bed because they've bothered you or your partner, find out exactly why it occurs and get over it. Keep in mind, though, the same goes for him/her. Also, if you think you're too 'grown up' for some moves you used to make with your college flame, a total recall would be good fun!
Make a to-do list
We're not saying stick post-its on the ceiling but you and your partner can set a rough timetable, right? Once a month, once a week, whenever suits you - it is important to make to-do list of styles, fantasies - whatever's fun.
Have more foreplay
Women still complain of insufficient foreplay when it comes to sex. Here's a fact: women who get at least 20 minutes of foreplay are 80 per cent more likely to have an orgasm. Don't let your lover be one in the remaining lot.
Add the funk
Sex has become a mechanical activity for many stressed couples. There's a way out. One of you - whoever's less stressed - can change the way you make love (at least for one night, for starters). Suggestions: Forget the ice cubes cliche, get a bottle of wine instead; play raunchy Hindi numbers, encourage dirty chatter in bed... we hope you get the drift?
Go on an adventurous date
A weekend trip to an exotic resort can just get the fun back into your sex. Sometimes, a break in monotony is just what your brain needs to get energised. Take to mountain-climbing, paragliding or simply walk down the beach. Excitement needn't always be expensive.
Overcome your fears
Is there anything you or your mate want to try but breaks into a cold sweat attempting it? There is nothing as liberating as being terrified of something and overcoming it.
Break one of your taboos
Similarly, if you've imposed any rules or taboos on yourself because of fear, lack of knowledge or social pressure, break it.
Communicate...
... and more regularly. It is perhaps the most crucial resolution for your relationship. It seems basic, but when was the last time you discussed sex with him/her? Speaking up is one of the most important ingredients of a healthy sex life.
Technically speaking, sex is a weird peculiar thing: we have two people sitting in positionsthat seem to defy the gravitational laws, puffing and moving rapidly while they are exchanging fluids. Sex can, in fact, become fatiguing and unpleasant as it equally is satisfying and beneficial.
The more creative you are and the more you try to create a pleasant atmosphere in bed, the better you will feel, because you will be able to communicate positive feelings to your partner. If you count among those who have sex for pleasure and if everything happens naturally and thanks to your body anatomy, good for you! But if you or her have certain weight issues and you cannot really afford to try any wild stuff in bed, here are some of your options: some sexual positions for different types of silhouettes:
Position #1 If you are both confronting some unwanted kilos, you can try the following: she lays on her back and easily bends her knees, and you stand between her legs and raise them during penetration. Another suitable position for you is the doggy style, which in general is a pleasant one for both partners.
Position # 2 If you have an optimal weight, and your partner is very voluptuous, she will stand on a side, while you raise her leg to the chest level or as much as her flexibility allows her to. Then gently slide towards her and hold her leg while penetrating her. Also, you can stand in front of your partner, whose legs dangle over the edge of a bed or some other platform like a table; with your partner's legs lifted towards the ceiling and resting against you, this is sometimes called the "butterfly position". It can also be done as a kneeling position.
Position # 3 If she has the optimal weight, and you are overweight, sit on your back, while she stands above you with her face oriented towards your legs. Bend your knees, while she moves standing on your knees. This position is called the "reversed cowgirl".
Position # 4 If you are very different in terms of height, the "spoon position" is the ideal one for you. You both have to sit on a side, with you being behind her. You will enjoy some rather cool moves as this position is extremely intimate, pleasant and suitable to any body type.
Nevertheless, the most important thing you and your partner should keep in mind is that there are no strict rules in bed; you should give yourself to your partner and receive her affection as you please, letting your imagination run wild. There is no similar feeling to that of giving and equally receiving pleasure from the person you love.
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