Dating after divorce can seem overwhelming. It may have been a decade or more since you've been "out there," and you may feel confused or downright clueless about how to get your game back to attract new women into your world. Though you may feel nervous at first, you may find that it is even easier than before because you are now older, wiser and closer to knowing what you want. You just need a few tools to use to attract that perfect woman.
Overall, the secret to attracting anyone in your life is feeling good about yourself and projecting it outward. Here are answers to some commonly asked dating questions:
DEEPAK SING ROSMAHInviting - exciting - emotion with power I had never known, a world of unchained devotion because you were my very own. I had fallen in love with you. Together we sailed in springtime to an isle beyond seas of blue, and when we returned, a new life was waiting, in a valley of dreams where I first fell in love with you.
What should I wear on a date? If a man is wearing something he feels good in, he is going to come across as a confident, successful alpha man, which is what women like. Wear clothes that are:
ROSMAH SING TO DEEPAK
A Single rosma of love A Single rosema of devotion A Single wish upon my lips A Single thought of you A Single desire to be granted A Single moment of careless bliss A Single love never to be broken A Single rosma for one last kiss
• Updated, stylish, comfortable and that fit your body well • Those you wish you could wear every day • Age and occasion appropriate • Really express your personality • Clean, well pressed and in good condition • Colors that flatter your skin tone • Polished, updated shoes • Quality fabrics that don't cling, pucker or pull
You may want to find a stylist or a savvy female friend to help guide you.
What about hygiene? Grooming is extremely important, as women really pay attention to this. Your ex-wife might have forgiven the over-grown and unruly hairs but it is not so appealing to a new prospective mate. Make sure your facial hair is neatly groomed, your hair is styled, your nails are short and your skin looks nice. It helps if you smell nice too. Don't pour the bottle of cologne on or you'll suffocate her. Instead, you should smell fresh and clean with maybe a dab of tasteful cologne. Women like men who take care of themselves.
How should I approach women? Most men feel uncomfortable when first approaching an attractive woman. This usually stems from being nervous about saying the wrong thing and fear of rejection. Get out of your head. Just be in the moment and talk with her. Don't just talk about yourself. Ask questions about her life. One common mistake is trying too hard and being very serious when talking with women. It can almost feel more like an interview with memorized canned questions rather than an easy conversation. Be more playful and mix it up a bit to enjoy the new you and you'll see how easy it is to create attraction. Most women love when you give them attention, especially if you say things in an authentic way. The truth of the matter is that your "dating muscle" is atrophied after not using it for a while, so you have to exercise it and get it back in action. One way to do this is to get comfortable approaching everyone when you are out and about. Approach at least three people (both men and women) a day during your daily routine. Give compliments to people you meet. Women love when you notice something about them. After doing several approaches a day, it will get a lot easier and feel more natural.
How can I build a new social circle? It is true that you did a lot of "married" activities with your ex-wife as a couple. Often your friends change as you step into the single world. Not only do you do things solo, but different activities may interest you now. The most important thing is to find other single friends you can do things with. It will open up your world and create new possibilities for meeting women. Explore several avenues by getting involved in networking groups, single events, outdoor group gatherings, regular trips to the gym and more. If you are having a difficult time knowing what to get involved in, think about three skills or hobbies you have or want to learn more about and research groups that relate to them. Discover what makes you tick and you'll build your social circle with other like-minded singles.
How can I overcome the divorce stigma? Men often think they are painted with a scarlet letter once they are divorced. Actually, many women say that they prefer a divorced man because they like the fact that he has been in a long term relationship before and knows how to share with a partner. Marriage teaches you how to compromise, how to be more giving and how to understand women's needs. Just because you are divorced doesn't mean you have some sort of disease. Remember, over 50 percent of the population is in the same boat, so you are not alone. Instead, own who you are and enjoy your newfound freedom. This is your time to start over, enjoy yourself and have fun.
Although starting over can be intimidating and a little scary, it can actually be freeing and exciting as you embark upon a new adventure. This is your chance to explore the world and meet various women. By doing this, you'll discover who you are separate from the woman you were with for many years and find out what you would like and need in a future relationship. Remember, the dating road is not a dead end; it's an avenue to an exhilarating new journey.
Honey, what's cooking? Too cliched to be romantically involved? Well, give a twist to everything you say and do to rekindle the joy of being together.
Great expectations in any relationship act as major bottlenecks. Agree. So how can a coupleremain happy and enjoy the bliss of living together? Well, complicated questions most often have the simplest solution.
So, instead of wasting time in pondering over ways to spending money on redundant luxury things that will not add even an iota of spice to your relationship, try to spend as much time as possible on things that bring you just closer.
The mantra is just to get closer. Cosy up to some interesting chat. Bitching about others sometimes works. But don't overdo it. Add variety to the list of topics that you are going to talk about on bed.
Look for intellectual stimulation and pretend to be snobs of the first order. Do crazy things that will amuse your partner and encourage him or her to reciprocate in a similar fashion. But be true to yourself and your partner and do everything with a lot of passion. It is very important.
Great expectations in any relationship act as major bottlenecks. Agree. So how can a coupleremain happy and enjoy the bliss of living together? Well, complicated questions most often have the simplest solution.
So, instead of wasting time in pondering over ways to spending money on redundant luxury things that will not add even an iota of spice to your relationship, try to spend as much time as possible on things that bring you just closer.
The mantra is just to get closer. Cosy up to some interesting chat. Bitching about others sometimes works. But don't overdo it. Add variety to the list of topics that you are going to talk about on bed.
Look for intellectual stimulation and pretend to be snobs of the first order. Do crazy things that will amuse your partner and encourage him or her to reciprocate in a similar fashion. But be true to yourself and your partner and do everything with a lot of passion. It is very important.
The ancient manual to love-making is not restricted to only the physical aspect of your relationship. It also holds the key to a healthy emotional bond with your partner.
The notion that Kamasutra speaks solely of the physical aspect of sex is extremely skewed. The purpose of Kamasutra was not merely to educate masses about different sexual techniques, but promote a healthy relationship between the partners and constructively use sexual energy. Several Western (and even some Indian) authors, interpreters and commentators have paid attention only to the sexual / physicality aspect, leading to the scripture's misrepresentation. However, look deeper and the teachings of Kamasutra go far beyond sex
The purpose of Kamasutra was not merely to educate masses about different sexual techniques, but promote a healthy relationship between the partners and constructively use sexual energy. Several Western (and even some Indian) authors, interpreters and commentators have paid attention only to the sexual / physicality aspect, leading to the scripture's misrepresentation. However, look deeper and the teachings of Kamasutra go far beyond sex
Participation
Many positions (Asanaas) depicted in the Kamasutra call for active and equal participation of the woman. Rather than sticking to the monotonous / boring missionary position where the woman is a rather passive receiver, the scripture encourages more pro-active positions. Only when there's an equal contribution from both ends will the session truly be fulfilling and fruitful. There's no posture that's meant exclusively for the man, or the woman.
The message: Be it sex or any other matter; ensure that you equally involve your partner. Participation is the key word. When you seek an active role from your partner, (in and out of bed) he/she feels wanted and the synergy between the two leads to greater fulfilment. That's what samabhog (equal pleasure) is all about.
Body image Vs. the body
The varied techniques depicted in the scriptures make sex pleasurable for anyone irrespective of his/her body type and body shape. The person may be muscular, obese, or thin, body issues and pleasure are best not mixed, says Kamasutra.
The message: Work on your body image. You can still make the best of your body provided you stop having unrealistic expectations of how it should look. Acceptance is the word. Magazine covers may be flooded with images of perfect bodies, but don't let them sway you away from realism. Don't let negative body image play spoilsport in your life, sex
Touch matters
The Kamasutra lays a lot of importance on touch, and not only during intercourse. Going by the texts, touch is of varied forms, each designated to arouse a unique sensation from the partner depending on his/her liking. However, the role of touch starts from the foreplay stage itself (at times, the foreplay lasting for hours together) and continues till the very end.
The message: Do not undermine the power of small. That casual hug or the loving caress (initiated much before sex can say a lot more about your feelings than the act itself. The touch may not even lead to anything, but is a very potent method of conveying your emotions. It will do more good to your relationship than most other things.
Dress to impress
The scriptures' emphasis on shringaar cannot be undermined. Almost every character shown in the act in Kamasutra is embellished with elaborate ornaments. This includes men.
The message: While it does depict the culture and traditions of the time when these texts were written, the underlying idea is that of looking good and dressing up for your partner. Manycouples after a few years of courting lose the urge to look good (for each other).
However, that's wrong. Just like you take the effort to dress up for a certain occasion, it is important to look at least presentable (if not great) for your partner. Do not undermine the importance of how you look. Get rid of the complacent attitude. It communicates that your partner is not important any more.
Go play
The scriptures pay a lot of importance on the fun element of sex. That is what converts a rather boring, mechanical session to something that a couple looks forward to. Try all the experimenting you want. If the fun element is missing, there's little that you can do.
The message: Learn to have fun with each other. Start by non-sexual activities and build a rapport. Play games, travel together, discuss movies, and find stimulating conversations. When fun becomes easy, no matter what the occasion, the joy will by default be communicated to other aspects of the relationship as well.
The Kamasutra also has advice on ways of making money and renewing friendship with a former lover
(Dr Rajan Bhonsle is a consultant in sexual medicine and counsellor)
The notion that Kamasutra speaks solely of the physical aspect of sex is extremely skewed. The purpose of Kamasutra was not merely to educate masses about different sexual techniques, but promote a healthy relationship between the partners and constructively use sexual energy. Several Western (and even some Indian) authors, interpreters and commentators have paid attention only to the sexual / physicality aspect, leading to the scripture's misrepresentation. However, look deeper and the teachings of Kamasutra go far beyond sex
The purpose of Kamasutra was not merely to educate masses about different sexual techniques, but promote a healthy relationship between the partners and constructively use sexual energy. Several Western (and even some Indian) authors, interpreters and commentators have paid attention only to the sexual / physicality aspect, leading to the scripture's misrepresentation. However, look deeper and the teachings of Kamasutra go far beyond sex
Participation
Many positions (Asanaas) depicted in the Kamasutra call for active and equal participation of the woman. Rather than sticking to the monotonous / boring missionary position where the woman is a rather passive receiver, the scripture encourages more pro-active positions. Only when there's an equal contribution from both ends will the session truly be fulfilling and fruitful. There's no posture that's meant exclusively for the man, or the woman.
The message: Be it sex or any other matter; ensure that you equally involve your partner. Participation is the key word. When you seek an active role from your partner, (in and out of bed) he/she feels wanted and the synergy between the two leads to greater fulfilment. That's what samabhog (equal pleasure) is all about.
Body image Vs. the body
The varied techniques depicted in the scriptures make sex pleasurable for anyone irrespective of his/her body type and body shape. The person may be muscular, obese, or thin, body issues and pleasure are best not mixed, says Kamasutra.
The message: Work on your body image. You can still make the best of your body provided you stop having unrealistic expectations of how it should look. Acceptance is the word. Magazine covers may be flooded with images of perfect bodies, but don't let them sway you away from realism. Don't let negative body image play spoilsport in your life, sex
Touch matters
The Kamasutra lays a lot of importance on touch, and not only during intercourse. Going by the texts, touch is of varied forms, each designated to arouse a unique sensation from the partner depending on his/her liking. However, the role of touch starts from the foreplay stage itself (at times, the foreplay lasting for hours together) and continues till the very end.
The message: Do not undermine the power of small. That casual hug or the loving caress (initiated much before sex can say a lot more about your feelings than the act itself. The touch may not even lead to anything, but is a very potent method of conveying your emotions. It will do more good to your relationship than most other things.
Dress to impress
The scriptures' emphasis on shringaar cannot be undermined. Almost every character shown in the act in Kamasutra is embellished with elaborate ornaments. This includes men.
The message: While it does depict the culture and traditions of the time when these texts were written, the underlying idea is that of looking good and dressing up for your partner. Manycouples after a few years of courting lose the urge to look good (for each other).
However, that's wrong. Just like you take the effort to dress up for a certain occasion, it is important to look at least presentable (if not great) for your partner. Do not undermine the importance of how you look. Get rid of the complacent attitude. It communicates that your partner is not important any more.
Go play
The scriptures pay a lot of importance on the fun element of sex. That is what converts a rather boring, mechanical session to something that a couple looks forward to. Try all the experimenting you want. If the fun element is missing, there's little that you can do.
The message: Learn to have fun with each other. Start by non-sexual activities and build a rapport. Play games, travel together, discuss movies, and find stimulating conversations. When fun becomes easy, no matter what the occasion, the joy will by default be communicated to other aspects of the relationship as well.
The Kamasutra also has advice on ways of making money and renewing friendship with a former lover
(Dr Rajan Bhonsle is a consultant in sexual medicine and counsellor)
Do you remember the story we published on 8 October 2009 called The Carpetman who is Rosmah’s Bagman and much more? Well, if you have forgotten, this is what we said then:
I met the Carpetman more than a year ago. He asked to meet through a mutual acquaintance because he was alarmed that I was about to reveal that the Carpetman is actually Rosmah’s Bagman. But that was not the thing that got him all flustered. What did was the revelation I was going to make that he is not only the Carpetman who is Rosmah’s Bagman but that he is also her Toyboy.
I only do business with Rosmah, said the Carpetman. My relationship with Rosmah is only for business purposes. I am not sleeping with Rosmah, he pleaded. So please do not tell the public that I am Rosmah’s Toyboy. The impression he wanted to make is that his relationship with Rosmah is confined to the boardroom and does not extend to the bedroom.
Well, that is not what Mumtaz Jaafar says. And who is Mumtaz Jaafar? Hey, if I start talking about her then I would also have to mention her relationship with Saiful, the person who alleges that Anwar Ibrahim sodomised him. And if I start talking about that then we will end up talking about the Sodomy 2 case as well. So let’s get back to the subject of the Carpetman, Rosmah’s Bagman cum Toyboy.
The whole country is very focused on Najib Tun Razak’s extramarital affairs. Sure, every Malaysian knows about this. And every Malaysian also knows about him getting caught in a Port Dickson hotel room with Ziana Zain. In fact, Isa Samad even had photographs of Najib clad only in a towel with the delicious young thing in his bed. And Isa handed the photograph over to the then Prime Minister Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad. (And that is why Mahathir just does not understand why Najib would choose Isa to contest the Bagan Pinang by-election when it was Isa who tried to bring Najib down with the photograph).
Anyway, let’s not digress too far. As I said, every Malaysian knows about Najib’s extramarital affairs. But how many also know that Rosmah has a penchant for Bollywood types. Hell, she will even arrange datukships for them if they treat her the way she loves to be treated, if you know what I mean. And this particular chap I am talking about, the Carpetman cum Bagman cum Toyboy, is far better looking than Shahrukh Khan (or is it Datuk Shahrukh Khan now?) — not to mention younger as well.
Yes, I have been keeping this story under wraps for more than a year now. But it is now time that the story be told. There is more, though. Deepak the Carpetman cum Bagman cum Toyboy has been very naughty. And all these naughty deeds were done on behalf of Rosmah.
In due course more will be revealed about the role of the Carpetman and how he has served Rosmah. Today is not the time to do that though. So stay tuned for further episodes of the Carpetman cum Bagman cum Toyboy of the so-called First Lady of Malaysia.
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